FROM THE DISINFECTED DESK OF BARNEY STINSON
Spider-Man’s uncle once said, “With great power comes great responsibility,” but what the great philosopher really meant was, “With great power comes a never-ending string of dumbass questions.” In the year since selflessly bestowing The Bro Code
upon humanity I have been inundated with letters, emails, texts—even a few stalker-level break-ins—from people in every corner of the globe, but mostly France.
Everyone wants to know three things:
Why haven’t you been nominated for a Nobel Prize?
How can one person be so handsome, smart, popular, and handsome? (The “one person” I’m referring to is you—Barney Stinson.)
The Bro Code is immensely entertaining, educational, and available via Fireside Books/Simon & Schuster, but it offers only general guidelines about how to live my life. What do I do when I’m at the office, going to the beach, or when I’m supposed to be at the office but I’m at the beach? HELP!
I couldn’t possibly nominate myself for The Bro Code—they’ve repeatedly told me it’s against the rules—but you can.1 Nominations for the Nobel Prize in Literature are due January 31 and should be addressed to:
Nobel Committee for Literature
P.O. Box 2118
SE-103 13 Stockholm
2. I don’t know, but if you’re a hot chick, perhaps we could discuss it at your place sometime . . . though now that I think about it, I probably can’t stay very long because I’ve got a thing later that night—but, yeah, no, let’s “talk.”
Relax. Daddy’s home. The next time you’re out and about and a Bro-related concern arises, just reach down your pants and whip out this handy reference guide: Bro on the Go.
For years I’ve wanted to supplement the universal laws of the Bro Code with a portable handbook of advice and commentary but for various reasons had to scuttle each previous effort: The Guy-dance Counselor,
1Touching Your Inner Bro,
2 and most recently The Pocket Stinson.
3 Now, with Bro on the Go,
I’m finally able to present the observations, reflective wisdom, and inspirational nuggets I’ve mined through the daily grind of being awesome.
In these pages you will find official Bro Codes in bold print alongside my own unique and powerful insights. To maximize utility, I’ve organized this volume by location so that a Bro trying to choose between black or gray spandex shorts for his workout can quickly flip to “A Bro at the Gym” and know the answer is a resounding “neither.” Used this way, it is my hope that The Bro Code
will calibrate your moral compass while Bro on the Go
provides a map to navigate your path toward total awesomeness and maybe, just maybe, getting laid big-time.
With these tools in hand (heh), you are now armed to live the life of a Bro on the Go. So take this package of wisdom, roll it into a generous cylinder, stuff it in your front pocket, and go, Bro, go.
1 You being a member of the Swedish Academy or another academy, institution, or society similar to it in construction and purpose; a professor of literature or linguistics at a university or college; or a previous Nobel Prize Laureate in Literature.
1 Sold title rights to adult film industry
2 Sold title rights to adult film industry
3 Sold title rights and life story to adult film industry—in negotiations to star in the movie or at least “pitch in” on casting decisions
© 2008 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation